We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
