no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize