Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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