My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
