I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
