He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
