does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
