alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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