Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
