Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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