Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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