apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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