Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
