Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
