I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
