How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
