update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Green mimosas i think yes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
