Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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