Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
