You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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