So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
