He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
