I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
