Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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