Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
