I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
