True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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