my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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