I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize