I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
