So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
