So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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