I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
