Porn is love you can see.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
