i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
