i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
