I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
