i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The air taste purple.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
