i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
