I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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