I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
