You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
