He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
