i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
