My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
