I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
