My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
