somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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