I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
