Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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