sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
