That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
