i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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