I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
