So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
