just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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