I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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