god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
