just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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