So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
