It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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