So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
