Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
