I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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