after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
