omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
