is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
