I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
