Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
