And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
