My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
