I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
