Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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