I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
