if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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