what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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