I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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