I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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