I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We have started to decorate penises.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
