I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
